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I asked my kids "who do I like the best"
Karli-me
Kelsi- me
Kaleb- COFFEE MAKER.

Kaleb is officially my favorite.....this week. LOL

Could be worse

So my daughters were in trouble for opening 30 packs of crackers eating the filling and leaving the rest on the floor that got stepped on... And crumbs everywhere...then I remembered.....

I was 4 (maybe 5?) once, I stole Carmex from a friend, used gobs on myself, then filled the cats ears, then I wanted to return the Carmex cuz I felt guilty for taking it, I got the Vaseline, filled the Carmex jar, then cleaned my hands on the carpet, that felt soooo cool and I could see a color difference in the carpet, so I tried to coat the rest if the carpet in Vaseline so it would all look the same........... My logic was slightly flawed...and I'm not sure WTF I was thinking about Smokey Joe, poor cat!

Still got mad but shoot, I could have carpet, and it could have been Vaseline..... My poor mother!!

Supervision

At goodwill today
Jasmine "Will you get my sister this Dora apron?"
-nope
Jasmine- "why not?"
-"I will not buy Dora because I choose not to support the whiny child that never has any adult supervision"
Jasmine "Tina, nobody has super-vision, not even adults"
-what?!? What do you think "supervision" means?
Jasmine "seeing super far away"
-chuckling to myself, "supervision means being watched, like I am supervising you, Karli and Kaleb and Lou Lou is supervising Kelsi....Dora wanders everywhere by herself."
Jasmine "she has boots"
-"that is irrelevant... What is a monkey going to do if Dora falls?"
---silence

Love this kind if conversation lol

Shocking

David was asking about grandma and grandpa so I reminded him they flew in an airplane to Vegas and they'd be back soon. Kaleb(2) says "they flew. In an airplane. In the sky?!?! Oh. my. gosh. so cool!"

Quizzes

Quizzed my kids.....got the usual.....except for these.....
Karli- 
"Daddy is so heavy for me to put on a rope" 
"mommy is light enough I could put put her on the stove" 
Daddy is 7, mommy is 100
Mom always says "No" dad always says "go ask mom"
Dads favorite food is poop pie me "poop pie?" Karli "what if he ate it one day" Me "yeah.....what if...." 
Favorite animal "flies and horses and unicorns and zebras"
If she could do or be anything in the world she would "play on motorcycles."

Kelsi-
favorite color is "pink but I really like every color of the rainbow i jus really really like pink"
Favorite song "Pandora"
Daddy is 40lbs, mommy is 20lbs
Daddy is 99, mommy is 27

Life situations

Time 1
Me- "quit shrieking...Is it a life or death situation???"
Kelsi- "a life one"
Me ....

Time 2
Kelsi-"a life one"
Me- well then no shrieking unless its a death situation!!

They have a habit of shrieking an adrenaline boosting shriek over things such as a sibling stealing a toy or a paper-cut.

No apple-tit

Kelsi says her dolly isn't hungry, it has no "apple-tit"

Little pecker!

So the other day at Matt's work we went to check out the chickens and this one hen won't stop pecking at my bare toes Karli says "That little pecker is eating your toes!"
She didn't get why I thought that was hilarious.

Very Scientific

HAHAHA We're doing

science in school, I asked Kelsi "draw a pic of something you LIKE the smell of"
she draws Cake, cookies, PB&J, popcorn, cinnamon rolls and flowers. 
"Draw something you DON'T like the smell of."
She drew this: With the explanation "I drawed daddy, because he is really stinky, he is in the kitchen and I can smell him when I am sitting on the couch and it's just NASTY!"note the bumps at the bottom of his torso before the legs, Kelsi informed me "that's daddy's stinky butt"

Commercial power

I'm certain that commercials are aimed at 5 yr olds!! 
While shopping "MOM you NEED this cleaner, it cleans the titchen, the bafroom AND the floor!!"
Me "Really?? all by itself?"
Kelsi with exaggerated scrubbing hand movements "Yeah, you don't even have to schrub that much, it just goes tlean, tlean, tlean" 
Me " The cleaners I use now work just fine Kelsi"
Kelsi "You NEED this one it makes tleaning easier!"

Another trip. 
"Mom you have to get Kaleb pampers because then he can crawl and run and play and they won't even fall off"
Me "Kelsi, have you ever seen Kaleb's diaper fall off, leak or otherwise fail?"
Kelsi "no"
Me "his diaper is huggies.....they work just fine"

Pukable

Kelsi decided to try a tomato again (she doesn't like them) and says "mmm these are good" she eats the middle and spits out the skin.
so naturally Karli wants to try a tomato again too she says "mmm, (pause, makes a face) these are totally pukeable!!" as she spits it out.

Give me a Dollar

Overheard from the other room Kelsi says "Karli If you give me a dollar I will be nice to you."

:O I promtly informed her that that's what bullies say and that it was very rude!!

Check the Ingredients

I'm quite health conscious and try to pay attention to what is in the foods we buy. So, we're shopping at grocery outlet and Kelsi (who is now 5) asks
"Mom are the ingredients in this okay?"
I say "let me look" then I notice what she has handed me, it's a cupcake kit that makes filled cupcakes, So I'm looking at the box...
She interrupts "mom the ingredients are on the side over there, you are looking at the instructions."

LOL Thanks kid, I explained "Kelsi I was seeing if it was something we could make at home easily, because they have a bunch of preservatives and junk in them."

Here's my girl by her birthday piñata I made her.

Hot and Cold

In the car I said I turned off the AC I was hot. I meant cold but said it wrong Matt corrects me and says "You turned AC off because you were hot?"
Me "Whatever, you know what I meant. I was cold."
Matt "You're hot and you're cold you're yes......" (quoting the song)
Kelsi from the back seat "You mean you're warm? Hot plus cold equals warm. Now you know so you will get it right."
Matt and I laugh and Matt says "You're awesome Kelsi."

Word play

Kelsi- "Mom I got you a diaper"
Me "I already have a diaper"
Kelsi "Half a diaper?"
Me- "No I HAVE a diaper"
Kelsi- "Half?" Grinning ear to ear.

Perhaps I've got to stop teasing her....or not, I love word games.

She says "Mom can I have a towel"
I say "a cow?"
Her "A towel!"
(she pronounces towel correctly but also says "cow" like "tow") She's totally catching on to word play and why pronouncing words correctly is important. Now that she's learning to read she understands that she is saying things wrong sometimes and will tell me "I tan't twite say it right"

Eating Animals

I showed Kelsi a pic of a tiger online.
She asks "Is it dead?"
Me "No it's not dead."
Her "It's just in the snow?"
Me, "Yes"

I caught a fish, with my bare hands on the dunes. I pick it up and show it to my kids and they ask
"Can we eat it?"
Me "No, you can't eat him, we're gonna let him go at the lake and let him go and have a chance of survival"
They were genuinely disappointed.

To review this situation, animals are dead and can be killed to eat them and cows eat chicken.......yeah, somethings wrong here?!?! Somehow I have raised children simply by not hiding that they are eating the type of animal when they eat it, we do not hunt, they have never seen an animal slaughtered. Yet they totally grasp and accept this idea and are fine with it.....fascinating.

Exasperation!

A glance into daily life with an OCD preschooler and a havoc wreaking toddler.....Life is NEVER dull :D

Cows eat Chicken, Yeah.

Karli "Mom I are eating cow."
Me (raises eyebrow) "Cow?"
Karli "yeah, it's cow"
Me "That's Chicken Karli."
Karli "Yeah, but cows eat chicken."
Me (laughing) "Really Karli? Cows EAT chicken?"
Karli (laughing) "Yeah, they did one time at the painting place."
Me "What painting place? Cows eat grass."
Karli "Yeah, but one time cows eated chicken, and chickens eated grass, and worms."
Me "sure Karli, but you are eating chicken, and it was not eaten by a cow, you are eating it, and it ate corn, probably."

Kelsi On Babies and Children

Kelsi "I'm going to have 15 children some day."
Me "Wow, that's a lot of children!"
Kelsi "Or maybe one hundred children"
Me "How are you going to get 100 children?"
Kelsi "They will grow in my belly and then I will have them."
Me "How will you feed that many babies?"
Kelsi "I will have one hundred plates"
Me "How will you put food on the plates?"
Kelsi "with a Spoon"
Me "Where will you get the food to put on the plates?"
Kelsi "From my garden."
Me "Where will you get the plants for your garden?"
Kelsi "Maybe I will just shop at the store for food"
Me "Where will you get money to buy the food from the store?"

There's a MOP in the Bathroom!!

Karli comes running to the living room "Mom there's a mop in the bathroom come look!!"
I go, Kelsi goes, Kaleb goes
Karli "it's right there!!"
I don't see it so I bend down and theres a moth on the under-side of the sink.
Me "that's a moth Karli" as I pick it up by a wing "Want to see it?"
I show them Kelsi and Karli are afraid, Kaleb thinks it's hilarious and bounces up and down laughing. He stops and asks "is it?"
I tell him "It's a moth, want to touch it?"
He grins ear to ear and leans forward I let him touch it.
I have it tickle his hand with it's wings and tell him it's "moth kisses" finally Karli is willing to touch it and exclaims "he's softy!"

Karli rambles What?!?!

I'm taking a bath....alone....and in walks Karli, through the LOCKED bathroom door.

She pierces the silence "Mommy,  why were you sleeping in the bath?   *silence*  One time you sleeped in a bed I like you sleeping in bed better. Cuz one time you leaved to go the the store, and you leaved me and I fought you were leaving me and never coming be *pause* Then there would only be daddy and brother and me and Kel like when you goed into the store and I wanted you to bring me. So I yelled "mommy" and you didn't come and that maked me sad, yeah (tears welling up in her eyes) I want you to never leave again, and take me wif you and brother and Kelsi. Mommy can I get in the bath wif you? Theres room right there. And I'm small and can I bring my toys in and play with them......."

I swear it was the longest most thoughts out one-sided conversation and I listened to see if she was going anywhere with it....I think she just wanted to talk.

What's your Name?

Kelsi to a little girl at firehouse "hi, how old are you?"
Girl "i'm 5"
Kelsi "I'm 4, but i'll be 5 soon. What's your name?"
Girl "Emma"
Kelsi "I'm Kelsi Louise Flanders. What is your Flanders name?" 
Girl "mom?"
Emma's mom looked to me for clarification.
Me "She's asking last name."
Emma's Mom "She's Emma Davis"

Sparkling pee

Karli runs into the living room "Mom I peed out sfarkles." In a tone that said she was quite impressed with her newfound ability.
I ask "You what?!?!?!"
She says grinning from ear to ear "I peed sfarkles"
I clarify "You peed sparkles???"
(then I remembered had cleaned up a glitter mess off the floor and shook the rag over the toilet and not flushed) I chuckled
She then took her sister to show her the sparkling pee. Kelsi was very impressed. I looked, laughed and flushed the sparkly pee.

Pop Sickers

I'm making myself pot stickers for lunch cuz my children don't like them so I try not to make them with dinner too often.
Karli says "I like pop sickers"
I ask " Since when?"
Karli "I eated them the last day"
I ask "and what day was that?"
Karli "Friday" (pause) "or fursday, yeah"
Me "Karli I haven't made them for like 2 weeks"
Karli  "But it were Friday"
Me "how do you know?"
Karli "because"

Melted

Me- "Kelsi, what is ice when it melts?"
Kelsi-"Water"
Me- "And what is ice cream when it melts?"
Kelsi "An empty cup, or an empty bowl"

Meet Their Daddy

I asked Kelsi and Karli Questions about their daddy these were their answers....

ASKED KELSI
What is Daddy's name? "Daddy, Matthew, Matthew actually"
What does Daddy do for fun? "He goes in the sand dues and he rides on dune buggies"
What does daddy do at work? "He drives dune buggies"
What are dad's favorite foods? "uuh, hmmm, a roll up with cheese and ham and tomatos, and he loves mandays, mayonnaise" 
What does daddy like to drink? "he likes a soda"
How old is dad? "like 20" How old am I? "25" 
How tall is Dad?  "Like this tall, very tall he can reach the lightbulb without reaching, like 20 feet tall, or maybe 14 feet"
What is dad's hair like? "It's like getting your round and round with a haircut, like a merry go round with a haircut"
How much does daddy weigh? "40 pounds"
What is the best thing about daddy? "that he loves to just jump rope and we we just do it up and down and up and down and he jups and if he can jump over it he wins"
What is your favorite thing to do with dad? "just, I love to play with daddy with those beads over there (Points at glow in the dark air soft bb's)"
How long have you known Dad? "a since, like Karli's birthday"
When did you and Daddy meet? "I meet him......long pause....when I were a baby?" (she was confused by this question)

ASKED KARLI

What is Daddy's name? "He a Matthew

What does Daddy do for fun? "he like's to work"

What does daddy do at work? "He just rides a dune buggy at work

What are dad's favorite foods? "He likes the Casino just like I do, we love it"

What does daddy like to drink? "He loves to drink soda"

How old is dad? "He's like that old (5 fingers) just like my sissy is" 

How tall is Dad? " he's like that tall, how taller than I am"

What is dad's hair like? "His looks like that (rubs her head) He shaves it"

How much does daddy weigh? " He weighs 14pounds, just like I weigh 14 pounds , yeah that's right"

What is the best thing about daddy? "that he puts me upside down and flings me upside up"

What is your favorite thing to do with dad? "Take him to the zoo with me"

How long have you known Dad? "I known him like that tall" 

When did you and Daddy meet? "I meet him at the zoo one time"

Questionare.....Kelsi and Karli

I separated my girls and asked them a series of questions, exactly the same These were their answers written word for word as told to me:

ASKED KELSI
What is your name? Kelsi K-E-L-S-I"
What is your favorite color? "pink and green"
 Who is your best friend?"Karli"
How old are you?"4"
What is your favorite animal?"A giraffe and an Elephant"
What do you want to be when you grow up? "I want to be a princess"
What is your favorite Movie?"My favorite movie is Mary Kate and Ashley"
What is your favorite book?"Clifford, Clifford book"
What makes you happy?"That my sissy shares with her teddy with me sometimes"
What makes you sad?"That my, that you, if everybody if you just don't leave me down out in the car. " (she is afraid of strangers/ figments of her imagination and does not like to be even 10 feet from us in unfamiliar areas)
What is your favorite food?"Macaroni and Cheese"
What is your favorite song?"La, La, La, we love you in the morning, la la la le la we do it in the morning and la la de de la lo and when Hailey comes and when we la la lal la la le lo..........that is my song and that is the end and it is a lullaby and I maked it up so my brother will fall asleep"
What is your favorite game? "Hopscotch"

ASKED KARLI 
What is your name? "Karli, I'm two and I'm Karli" (she's 3 and held  up 3 fingers to tell me 2, I told her count her fingers she counts 1-2-3 )
What is your favorite color? "My favorite is the color like the ceiling"
 Who is your best friend?"I don't know." (ran to grab a teddy)
What is your favorite animal?"my favorite animal runned away from me and I don't know where he went."
What do you want to be when you grow up?"I want to be a giant teddy bear when I grow up"
What is your favorite Movie?"I know, Pippi Longstocking is my favorite movie, Yeah"
What is your favorite book?"mine is spooky little tree to we dare go in the spooky little tree, yes we dare"
What makes you happy?"a song makes me happy"
What makes you sad? "When I don't like ghostes, or a bear, or I don't like elmo or I don't like robots and then a monster comes and then I hide under your blanket that's what I really don't like and it makes me sad"
What is your favorite food?"Mine is the casino, my favorite food is the casino"
What is your favorite song?""Mine is about, I know, It's about Pippi Longstocking"
What is your favorite game? "I love to play a game what's a kid game that I really love, and if I buy a game computer"

Carrots

So today for lunch my kids had PB&J, Apple slices, and carrot sticks.
Karli says (to Karli) "I don't like carrots."
Kelsi replies in a motherly tone "Karli, you have to eat carrots so you can see WAY FAR."
Karli says "I can ALREADY see way far!"
Kelsi says "But CARROTS make it so you can see WAY WAY far."
Karli says "I'll just use nockburs (binoculars) you can eat the carrots."

Making coffee

Me "ugh I want coffee"
Karli jumps up "I'll make you some"
.....5 min later!=.....
"Mom I can't reach the cups"
So I go in there to help her.
She opens the can of coffee and says "there no more coffee"
I say "yup it's all gone"
she holds both hands up amd drops them down all exasperated and says "But you NEED some" and gets teary eyed.

Clearly my coffee intake is VERY important to her.

Directions

"Mom you need to keep this number so if I get lost you can call it."
Me- "how about you remember daddy's number and call him"
Kelsi "He won't have a mat."
Me "a Mat? you mean a map?"
Kelsi "No, I mean the directions, like the way you go, like left, right....the MAT"
Me "yeah Kelsi, That's called a MAP with a P"

Onions

Karli and I were waiting at the doctors office browsing a magazine. We come to a picture and I ask Karli "What is this a picture of?"
She says "A cupcake with a cookie on top" (it was a pic of a muffin)
Moving on "Karli what is this a picture of?"
Her "I don't know, I have no clues."
Me "What do you do with it?"
Her "put it in a bowl"
Me "Why?"
her "to eat it"
Me "you eat it all by itself just in a bowl?" ( i was hoping for cut it up put in soup, or in something else.)
Her  (chuckles) "no, You use a fork"
It was that scope ad where the scope goes through the onion like a bullet.

Vegetarian

Kelsi didn't want meat in her taco tonight so I asked "Are you a vegetarian?"
She replied "What's a vetatarinin"
Daddy replied "Someone who won't eat yummy cow bites."

Where's the remote?

"Kelsi where is the remote?"
Kelsi- "I don't Know. I have no clues. You should probably keep it out of reach of childlens. Or maybe just Karli."
I just laughed, and she asks "what?"

Kelsi saw a Church

My mom was reading Kelsi a Mrs. Piggle Wiggle book and it was talking about Mrs. Piggle Wiggle going to church.
Kelsi interrrupted "I see-ed a church one time!!" all excited.
mom and I just chuckled.

Nightmares (Kelsi)

Kelsi just woke up and came to the living room pouting and I figure she's just not wanting to go to bed I ask her "what's wrong?"
She replies  "Mom I think my head thinked of a big scary guy that look-ed like a sheep thing and eated my bike outside.....I think my head thinked of this" She says with her lip quivvering but smiling a "why would my head think of that look of confusion smile"
I just gave her a hug and told her "You sure have a silly head don't you." 
And then we laughed because why would a sheep eat her bike, he'd much prefer grass.

It's Christmas

Well, not really, it's snowing.
Kelsi tells me "Mom it's Christmas, Santa come-ed and bringed us snow"
Me "Kelsi it's not Christmas, we took down the tree"
Kelsi "No mom it's REAL Christmas today"

While getting boots on:
Kelsi "Daddy It's Christmas"
Daddy "Kelsi Christmas and snow have nothing to do with eachother do you understand that?"
Kelsi "yeah, but their kind of the same, like it's same diff"

Poor Donated Elf

Kelsi saw an Elf at the store tonight and told me that he was sad that his family had donated him and that she hoped he got a new home really fast (she was almost tearing up she was so sad for this Elf) I took pity on the poor little guy and bought him (he was .99) Kelsi was very concerned that he lost his Magic because his family abandoned him. She cuddled him like a newborn and Kissed him all the way to Hunter's house and whispered to him "you will get your magic back soon as you are Hunter and Danny's because Tiffany will send you back to Santa." I've never seen her so nurturing.


Santa dropped him off on Hunter and Danny's porch.

St. Nicholas Day

So, My sister told me about St. Nicholas day, I'd heard of it before from my few German friends, but had forgotten, Well, it's December 12th....St Nicholas day is December 5, but that doesn't really matter because well, My daughters are 4 and 3, I'm pretty sure that they won't remember what day they got treats in their shoes LOL.
Anyhow...I'm taking a Bath after dinner and I tell my girls "hey, go get one pair of shoes and put them outside your bedroom door because today is St. Nicholas day and if you were good you will get a present in your shoes while you sleep"
So.....minutes later, Kelsi returns with one pair of shoes. Karli returns with 4 pairs!! (this is the same child who can NEVER find her shoes when I ask her to get them on before we leave the house) and asks "What if I have lots iv shoes?" with this HUGE ornery grin on her face.
I without hesitation reply "Do it and find out!" (totally had a plan here)
They went to bed with their shoes like this:

And will be waking up with their shoes like this:

I strung them up with fishing line and alternated with candy canes.

Except for one pair, which has their gifts from St. Nicholas:

Butthead Hair-do

"Mommy why did you put my hair in a bummel?" (her word for Bun--IDK why)
"Because I wanted it to be all pretty for your dance recital"
Kelsi- "Bummels make me kinda like a butt-head"
Me "what? why?"
She says "see, feel this hole in the middle it's kind-of like a butt-hole so now I'm a butt-head"

Team UmiZoomi

Kelsi says "mom why don't you let me watch toomie youmie youmies" (I know she means Team Umi Zoomi)
I reply "Because I haven't watched it with you yet to see if its a show I approve of"
She says "Can we watch it when we get home and see if it's ok?"
I say "Sure, we'll Google it and see if it's one I think is a good show"
She says "Well actually mom it's on TV, not google, so you have to use the remote"

Donating to Goodwill

I was being grouchy one day and Matt asks the girls "Should we get rid of your mommy and donate her to Goodwill?"
Kelsi says "yeah, then he will have two girlfriends"
Karli agreed "yeah, we'll donate mommy"
The back story on this one is Matt has a friend named Will well when Kelsi was 3 she called him "Goodwill" because we shopped at Goodwill the store and then when Matt named his friend she assumed that "Will" was a nickname for "Goodwill" and had a hard time differentiating the two she now knows but the nickname "Goodwill" has stuck, they do not yet understand that you don't donate to people.

Seeing Santa

We go to see Santa in Old town, and he arrived by Fire-truck (so double-cool in the eyes of my children) When it's our turn to see Santa Kelsi hops right up on his lap and
He says "Merry Christmas and what would you like for Christmas?"
Kelsi promptly replies "a walk ahind puppy"
To which he says "a walking puppy, good choice"

 Then Santa turns to Karli and asks "and what would you like for christmas?"
to which she replies grinning "poop"
Santa looks to me for clarification as Kelsi busts up laughing and Says "poop Karli?"
They both giggle uncontrollably and I turn red and giggle as well. (I think Santa turned red too)
then Karli says "or a walking puppy" and that was that.

Haircuts, Standing up to Pee and Fatty Santa

GRR while putting Kaleb down for a nap my girls found scissors in my room from me wrapping presents. They cut their hair!!!
I say "show me where the hair is!!" because I can't find it....there are only 2 tiny tufts and Karli's head tells another tale.

(this is the trying not to smile because I know i'm busted look)

Kelsi tells me "No, you stay here, i'll go get it you will be mad it's alot of hair"
I say "SHOW ME." very sternly.
she does. It was hidden in a corner of their room........
I tell them "Nap time!!" and walk away.....I needed to re-gain my composure.
They wake up a few hours later and disappointingly her hair is still butchered :( So I take her and comb and cut a little (trying to make it blend) and call up my sister and really stress on the solution for a good few hours.....I must buzz it off, or give her an awkward mullet type hair-cut... I decided on the Buzz....this is also not the first time she's cut her hair, so I really wanted to make sure she wouldn't do it again.
So I call Karli in and tell her "I'm going to buzz all your hair off like a boy"
She reacts by crying and saying "NO NO NO" (this was the first moment she was not laughing or trying not to smile about the whole thing.)
Commence Buzzing and me explaining that there was no other way for her hair to look nice and not chopped.....that this is why only hair specialists like Auntie Nicole get to cut hair.
Kelsi walks in the room and i tell her "you're next, I don't know who cut your sisters hair and it's not fair for her to have to have a short boy cut and not you"
she ran to daddy and cried "But I love my long curls I won't cut hair anymore" 
Half way through the cut Karli's eyes light up and she says "Now I can stand up and pee?"
I just rolled laughing, I had to stop cutting. I just chose to ignore the question and got back to cutting her hair. 

In the end I actually really like the resulting hair-cut. It's no longer in her eyes and she's not a boyish girl so it looks good on her. 
So....I call Kelsi in and say "your turn"
she continues in her "no, I love my curls"
And I tell her "If you cut ANYONES hair again, I will shave yours off!"
She promised not to.
So I think I got my point across and I doubt either of them will use scissors for cutting hair again....I HOPE


To make it sink in more, and because we have an Elf on our Shelf.....He flew to the north pole to report their behavior to Santa and Santa sent back COAL as a reminder to be good. 

(Coal is in the little red bag)

Kelsi opens it up with her sister and I say "oh no santa must have sent you coal to remind you to be good"
Kelsi says "we can still play with it" as she tries to draw with it
it doesn't draw because it's plastic coal.
I say "Santa's coal isn't that kind of coal"
she says "oh well I don't like Santa, he's just a big fatty!!"
I say "Oh so you dont think he should give you another chance to get your walk behind puppy?"
She says "I will just give him this coal right back when we go see him cuz I don't like him he's a fatty"


She is currently in there convincing the elf that she is good "Hey Elf, I are a good girl but you can keep you lump of coal for ever and ever!!" and singing to him "Come on fly to me fly to me I like you elf so fly to me, fly to me, fly to me elf, Please fly to me Elf."

Zombies

"mom I don't want to go to bed because there are Zombies in my room"-Kelsi
"what are Zombies?"-Me
"they are zombies" -Kelsi
"um, OK???"-Me
"they Zomb you like zomb zomb zomb"- Karli
"and what is Zombing?" -Me
"I don't know" -Kelsi
"then why are you afraid of it?" -Me
"cuz your asposta be afraid of zombies" -Kelsi

Easter bunny

First off, I suck at this whole keeping presents hidden until whatever holiday....I got my mom a present today and called her to tell her what I got her...that's just the way I am...


Kelsi found some sidewalk crayons I got awhile back and 
I told her "they are for easter the easter bunny will bring them when the weather gets nicer" 
she asks me "well, what are you doing with them then?" 
I told her "I'm saving them for him"
She says "why can't I just open them now"
I say "because the weather is not nice yet"

Last Ones the Rotten Egg (AKA Beat Brother)

Thanks mom for this idea years ago :D
Anyhow, I have implemented this method as an attempt to get Karli to stop dilly dallying and buckle up Well, Kelsi is GOOD at it and almost always gets the advantage (she can open her door and her car-seat is easier to buckle) anyway....I am encouraging "last one buckled is the rotten egg, Karli hurry hurry buckle buckle"
Kelsi proudly announces "I'm buckled"
Karli still isn't even 1/2 way done.....
So I say you can still beat your brother Karli, beat Kaleb beat Kaleb" as I struggle to buckle him up in a quick manner.
so the un does what buckling she had done and starts gently smacking Kaleb....and laughing...
"what the heck are you doing?!?!?" I exclaimed
she says giggling "beating my brother"
Oh geez "Karli I ment beat him getting buckled....not literally to beat him"


Seriously time like this have me wondering about her!! LOL

Screwing it Up

I'm watching my friend Tiffany's children and we're picking up a bit so that there aren't quite so many toys out, I take on screwing this toy back together which by the way is a must buy for anyone w/ boys, well shoot, anyone w/ kids beyond choking age....but anyway I've taken on putting it back together. 
Kelsi brings me the screwdriver and tell me "mom I want to screw it up"
I chuckle and say "it's already screwed up, I'm putting it back together"
She says "I want to screw it like, screw, screw"
I chuckle again and tell her "sorry hon, I'm going to do this part this time and you can pick up the cars"

Tiny Christmas Tree

Kelsi found a tiny tree outside the library and pointed it out to me.
I say "yup it's a teeny tiny Christmas tree"
She replies, "well it better grow up fast so we can use it!"

Eating Boogers

I was cooking dinner and discussing which veggie to cook with Karli.
I said, "well it's broccoli or boogers" Basically I like to throw in off the wall things and see how my girls respond or what they'll do.
Karli says "Noooo, we don't eat boogers"
I replied "I do!!"
She says "OH, you want me to get you one?" as she simultaneously shoves her finger up her nose to fish one out for me.
I told her "No, I only like MY boogers"
She asks "Oh want me to get one out for you?" and tries to shove her finger up my nose LOL
I said "No I was just kidding, we don't eat boogers"

Matt and I were recently discussing, we won't freak out on our kids if we catch them eating their boogers,  given it's not in a public eating facility or you know, grandma's house or something. Basically the way we see it its their own boogers and they are entering the safest part of their body to kill any accompanying germs, plus, we've got bigger fish to fry!

Cruddy mom

Helping the girls pick their after lunch piece of candy I dumped out the bucket and saw a butterfinger.
I said "ooh this ones mine" turned to the girls and said "pick your pieces"
they chose and I scooped the rest back to the bucket put it back up and said "hey wheres my candy bar? Crud! I must have put it back in the bucket"
Kelsi replies "yeah, your a cruddy mom thats why!"
I laughed and said "gee Thanks!!"

Eating Ears and Eyes

"Mom, when we eat our lunch can we have a piece of candy?"
Me "sure"
Karli "one time we eated candy's ears" 
Kelsi "and I eated the eye but I spitted out part of it"
Me "you guys are so mean!! Why would you eat someones EAR? how are they going to HEAR?"
Karli sits with an evil grin and laughs
Kelsi looks concerned and says "It was candy"
Me "so you think you can just eat Candy's ear?"
Kelsi "It was for Halloween"
Me "oh, so it's ok to eat peoples eyeballs and ears on Halloween? What are you a cannibal?"
Kelsi "Mom, it was candy, from halloween and I spitted it out"
Me "So you just rip off ears for fun?" 
Karli Laughing says "yeah I like ears!!"
Kelsi then caught on that I was teasing....but was still concerned that I thought she ate someones actual eye/ear!!

The Evolution of Halloween (in the eyes of Kelsi mostly)

First Halloween children are dressed up purely for the novelty of the mom, they know nothing of candy goodness.

The following year (age 15mos) Kelsi knocked on the doors to trick or treat and then proceeded to sit on the porch and dig through her bucket of candy to choose a piece to give the the person at the door.

The next year she was all about the "ding dong's" and super happy to ring to doorbells and slightly less enthusiastic about the candy. We went to many doors and the first one without a doorbell Kelsi was unsure what to do so I told her to knock, she did. As the guy answers the door she announces very loudly "Yer don't have a Ding-Dong" the man looked at me puzzled and I busted up laughing, and explained "you're the first house that didn't have a door-bell, she calls them Ding-dong's" He got a huge kick out of it, as did I.

This year she was a pro! Knock on the door, "Trick or Treat" and get Candy.......wait, did I say Candy?? I mean get candy at all the houses that candy was the ONLY option, when given the choice Candy or an apple BOTH my daughters this year chose the apple!! The Lady at the door remarked "you are the first two children to choose an apple" Kelsi replied "yeah, we sure do love apples" And both my daughters were equally happy to announce the peanut butter crackers/apple they got at the door as they were the candies. Both insisted on getting their brother candy and talked about how they were going to share with Daddy and Ribbit Grandma when they got home. 

What makes a Princess

Kelsi says "I want the princess plate because I'm a princess"
I say "yeah what makes you a princess?"
Kelsi Replied "If you married me then I was a princess"
Busted up laughing for a good minute re-gained my composure and asked "WHO are you married to"
She replied matter of factly "Well it's kinda like cillerella" (cinderella) and walked with her pizza to the table.


Apparently I have not watched Cinderella enough!!

Car Seat Safety

I have taught my children how to check their car seats, I have 3 children and While I double check them it's nice when someone else helps me get them in and I over hear them correcting the process.


Lacy buckled Karli into her seat and went to shut her door.
Karli protested "Lacy it's not tight enough the straps are still pinchey" 
Lacy Laughed and fixed it. 


I LOVE this!! My daughters know that they should not be able to pinch the straps up at all and that they should have their chest clip so they can draw a line and tickle themselves....If ever one decided that car seat safety is not that important the other will tattle.

Sorry Mommy

So, we're walking down the stairs and I accidentally drop an ear of corn.
I say "Karli, quit throwing corn down the stairs!"
She says "sorry mommy"
I look at her and say "did you really throw corn down the stairs?"
She says "NOOOO" :D :D <<huge grin
I say so "why did you say sorry?"
She says "sorry mommy I won't do it again."
I said "you didn't do it in the first place"
She says "yeah, and I won't do it again either."

Cottage Cheese

This morning Kaleb spit up on his chin, Kelsi gags and says "mommy he puked"
I tell her "It's just cottage cheese" as I wipe it off
She says "no, it's puke" with a disgusted look
Matt asks "where do you think cottage cheese comes from?"
she says matter of factly "Safeway"
So I ask "so where do you think Safeway gets their cottage cheese?"
she replies "Maybe from Fred Meyer?"
so I ask "and where does Fred Meyer get theirs?"
Kelsi with a gross look on her face says "I don't know"


No wonder Safeway's food is higher priced, they buy it at Fred Meyer!!!

Accidents Happen

I spilled milk and Kelsi tells me "Accidents happen mom" in a matter of fact tone.
I say "what?" 
She tells me "Accidents happen mom, it's O.K. just get a towel and clean it then you can get more milk" 

Sleeping in Two Places

Kelsi wakes up and walks into my room Crying "mom where's Tarli?" legitimately concerned
I reply "In her room, on her bed."
She goes and checks and reports back seriously distraught "mom her wented to sleep on the floor and now she's in her bed and thats TWO places! that's not OK!" 
I give her a look like your kidding me, RIGHT?? She's GOT to be kidding here!!  And I inquire "Kelsi, where are we supposed to sleep? The floor or in bed?" 
She says "she was supposa stay on the floor cuz we don't sleep in TWO places." 
Oh Geez!
So I gave her a hug and calmly explained (between chuckles) that I had moved Karli to her comfy bed before I went to bed and that it was in fact NOT the end of the world and assured her that Karli would in fact wake up even though she had slept in 2 places. 

Days of the Week

Kelsi has become very interested in what day it is. So I have begun singing "Sunday Monday and Tuesday, Wednesday Thursday and Friday, Saturday is the last day, and I can say them all"


So I sing "Sunday Monday and Tuesday, Wednesday Thursday and Friday, Saturday is the last day, and I can say them all" and ask "can you say them all Kelsi?"
she replies "no, I can't"
I sing again "Sunday Monday and Tuesday, Wednesday Thursday and Friday, Saturday is the last day, and I can say them all" and ask "can YOU say them all Karli?"
to which she replies "yeah, Them all" with a Gigantic grin.

Broken Body

I was surfing the internet and watching TV, it's late, but Kelsi being slightly ill took a nap at 5PM... so she's  up. Anyhow, We are looking at cool baby stuff and a new episode of NCIS starts, we are watching, they discover a dead body it goes to commercial so we return to looking at more baby feeding stuff.
Kelsi breaks the silence and inquires "mom why is that body broken"
I reply "uhhh well honey because it's dead"
She says "why did it die"
I say "because it was it's time, a person decided he wanted to break that body"
She says "why"
I reply "I don't know, but how bout you choose a different channel"
the lesson, Kelsi really does pay attention to what she sees on TV and after hours it's either food network or her choice  :O.

Pee on You

More teasing from Karli. 
Karli likes to pee on stuff, I read this is normal.....FOR BOYS. She is not a boy. She will take a diaper and pee on it, get in the tub and pee there instead of the toilet, Power trip? test of rules? completely normal "phase"? IDK. Either way, it's a work in progress....Pretty much problem solved by now! 
Anyhow, Miss ornery EVERY time I say "I gotta go pee" (yes, I announce) she races me to the bathroom Grins this HUGE grin and pulls her pants partially down and back up slowly "I'm gonna pee on you mom" LMAO!! All I can do is laugh, she's totally teasing me. 

Ornery Delux Karli

Geez sometimes I don't know if she is teasing me or if she really doesn't know. I am home schooling, in a very light and playful sort of way---no real structure just yet... So I bought these "Brain Quest" cards for ideas, Kelsi flies through the 5-6 yr old ones with flying colors. She can match rhymes and colors, counting, adding, the whole 9 yards, aside from telling time on a standard clock and money (now I know what to introduce)
Back to Karli, I go through the 2-3 yr old deck and she gets a huge grin and says the MOST off the wall responses.

this bird lost a leaf.

this is a giraffe! (I ask her what does a Giraffe look like, she says "a horse")

So yeah, I know she is smart, she is witty, but she also does not let that on!!